week 4 blues..

I'm not sure why but I'm feeling really down and unmotivated. Maybe it is a combination of bad dreary winter chills, boring rotation and just plain boredom. It is really difficult to come home everyday after a long (maybe boring or useless) day and do your eating and showering things and just sit down and study. Things just get so pointless sometimes.

When will this all end?

Is there ever a light at the end of this long dark tunnel?

It seems like just as when I am about to finish crossing one hurdle, another one is on its way into my life. I keep stalling and going "wait until XXXX is done and then i can XXXXX".. Maybe I should just care less and do what I want to do RIGHT now. Stop thinking that my life is just mainly about studies and med and passing 5th year exams.

Afterall, my life is proving to be an endless road of sitting for exams, getting drilled by someone more senior and always always having to think of others before myself.

Thinking about all this crap is making me sad.

I shall go and continue revising paediatric ophthalmology (which SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!!) I hate eyes. Only very grateful that I can see. that's about it.

Sidetracking now, people get abit appalled and disturbed whenever I say in a very affirmative voice that "I CANNOT STAND PAEDIATRICS." Are people meant to like kids? Are we meant to think paeds is a nice field? Oh gawd. And I hate people who go goo-goo and gaa-gaa at patients during a sort of serious clinical examination in front of a consultant. Goodness me, just GET ON with the exam. You only have 7 minutes to do it and you just spent 30seconds stroking the little baby's little hands. And he/she (hard to tell gender at young age sorry folks) is probably going to scratch the hell out of you because he/she has claws. LONG untrimmed fingernails are the future ammunition in our fight against terrorism. It has been around for age, proven safe, proven very lethal.

Hence, I keep my distance from babies. They are so unpredictable! They smell funny and they can't tell you how they feel. Argh. and they breathe so fast and their heartbeats like it's running on estacy.

Retrospectively, I think I have come to realise why I thought PICU was so great. It was the ICU part of things, not the P part of things. ahhhhhhhhhh.