I sometimes ask myself why I keep a blog when it's such a public avenue to air your most private thoughts about issues. But I seriously do not give a hoot to that anymore. Been suppressing myself too much and I guess I better write before I burst into bits.

BEWARE - the following lines are extremely incoherent and nonsensical.

Why is it that I can always help people out with their own problems and be a professional aunt agony to them.. but I am unable to help myself solve the simplest of problems when it comes to relationships. be it between me and friends, or me and a guy or whoever, it always seems as though I can never make the right decisions for myself.

People always think that I am nice and hence make the conclusion that I do not have the innate power to hurt someone, betray someone and to lie to someone. For your information, I have done all three of the above. But does that make me go down in the scale of niceness? Nice people make mistakes. Nice people hurt others. But when that happens, who do I seek forgiveness from? How do I go back up the scale? Or does one incident makes you a condemned person?

It's just absolutely bewildering how I manage to get myself into hot soup. and this time around it is so hot that I am getting burnt.. so much so as to be seemingly unable to get out of the soup before i perish into the deep ends of this world.

I seem to know what I want, but at the same time I have no idea whether or not, watever that i want to do is right or wrong. I seem to have lost control over my mind and thoughts and actions and speech. I lost the power to decipher, lost the fight in the battle between me and choices.

I care too much about what people think about me. Even though twenty thousand of my good friends (which unfortunately I do not have twenty thousand) tell me that it is okie and if people know my situation they will understand.. it just doesnt seem to work anymore. Public opinion about yourself is just as important as what your best friend thinks about you. Public opinion is a means whereby people can use to form an impression of you.

I have no frigging idea wtf im blabbering about.

I just want to rest.